Dear Friend
I’m still in total shock, and saddened by how things ended last time we spoke. Apparently you were so blinded by your own feelings, that you failed to understand mine no matter how clearly I tried to explain them to you. I don’t blame you. We’re only human after all, and we all make mistakes. I’ve made some doozies in my day, and can only assume I’ll make many more. I guess maybe I wasn’t as good at getting my point across as I thought. I guess I could have used different words? But that still doesn’t change how you made me feel then, and how you made me feel with your reaction to sharing my feelings with you. You did something that hurt me. It wasn’t anything major, but I felt hurt. If I hadn’t said anything, it would have built into resentment and become something way bigger than it was. You knew me better than most, and I think you’d agree that I always try to be honest. And I’ve always tried to encourage you to share your feelings with me, if I was to ever make you feel badly. You were always too sweet and passive. Passive builds resentment. I wanted you to be strong and stand up for yourself. I wasn’t trying to start a fight that day. I was merely sharing how you made me feel. Instead of ”i’m sorry, I didn’t realize you’d feel that way. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings” or “my intention wasn’t to make you feel left out! I’m sorry”, I got a sarcastic reply that made me feel as if I should feel bad for being hurt (have I used the word “feel” enough yet? HA!). I never once said that there was anything wrong with you doing something for yourself. I never once said there was anything wrong with going with someone else since it was “your thing”, and I never tried to start a fight with you. I understood your point of view, but you didn’t understand mine. The point is, you hurt my feelings. I know it wasn’t intentional, but that’s the result. I tried to show compassion by expressing that I’m sorry you’ve been having a hard time. I tried to show you that I got why you made the choices you did that day, and that you didn’t mean it personally. But the point was, I didn’t have all that information at the time, and you still wouldn’t apologize for hurting my feelings. My anger grew with my disbelief that I was having to argue with one of my best friends for a simple apology I felt I deserved, and I probably said some things I shouldn’t have. I tried to keep my “cool” as long as I could, but I felt as if you were TRYING to fight with me. My guess is you felt defensive. I’m sorry if I made you feel like I was attacking you. I truly wasn’t trying to. I just wanted to make you aware of my feelings, so I could move past it. A simple “I’m sorry” would have ended the situation instantly. Eventually, after a long discussion that turned into an argument, I got a very sarcastic apology that I could tell you didn’t even mean. I’m sorry for the hurtful things I said towards the end of that discussion. I’m sorry if I made you feel attacked. But I’m not sorry for sharing my feelings. For too long I was you. That passive aggressive person who put up with everyone walking all over her. My hurt over small things, would slowly build into big things, to the point of feeling like I was going to explode. I have created and developed ( and even bettered), the most amazing friendships since learning how to express myself, stand up for myself, listen to others, and discuss rather than fight. Unfortunately this time, the sharing, listening, and discussing, turned into a fight. Its too late for me to go back now, because I promised myself I would no longer be friends with people who didn’t respect me or my feelings. That day you disrespected both. If this blog has made you even more angry towards me (if you even read it), then I guess we weren’t meant to be in each others lives. We’re too different, you and I. If you understand what I’m trying to say (through all these scatterbrained thoughts), then please come to me and share your thoughts and feelings with me. I will listen. I will always listen. I kept saying that you were missing the point the last time we talked. So here it is. This is my feeling. If the result of your actions or words hurts a friend, weather intentional or not, you should apologize. No matter how silly or pointless you may think it is. You can’t argue the way someone feels. If they’re hurt, they’re hurt. And friends should always be sympathetic to anyone they call a friend.
